She Called Me A “Black Bit!&”

Someone called me a “black b!tc% this week. And chile… it’s only Wednesday.

Unbeknownst to me, her initial rant- text message was sent a week ago today—I didn’t notice it until yesterday. The person’s name wasn’t in my work cellphone contacts, so I responded, “And who is this?”

And she responded with her whole chest—and full government name. 

I wish it had ended there. But she added more unhinged comments that could have been indicative of a full blown psychotic episode.

But this didn’t keep me from pondering 

and combing through her comments—her choice of words and deplorable language. 

Nor did it keep me from feeling the embarrassment of her choice of words about a “Black woman” from another “Black woman.” Words that are now being escalated to Reviewers that are not Black. Especially in a time when racial epithets, tropes and stereotypes are being rapidly spewed from “other” spaces—this is especially disheartening coming from “one to another.”

Admittedly, I felt like I needed to keep “Our business” in the house between us. But I could not because of my profession and the risk of exposure for patients.

Due to my professional and educational commitments and competencies to “Do no harm”, it had to be escalated. 

Despite “my embarrassment.”

Despite my wanting to protect one of my “own.”

That said, I was especially struck by the part of her rant that spewed that “God would knock me down.” And that, “It’s always a “black b!tc% downplay another black woman” (her direct quote), not a typing error. 

I think these specific statements landed in a space where few insults hurled at me have ever landed. In fact, I  don’t doubt similar things have been said about me—but not for me to hear or read personally.

But after allowing myself some time to reflect over the entirety of this situation—and of course, I understood that the person was troubled—and not well;  the word “accountability” kept rising up to the top of my consciousness.

I thought about how we can push, advance, and pursue education, certifications, degrees and do all the work to reach our career paths and goals.  And be celebrated for it. And finally get the job—and then not be professionally and ethically accountable or responsible once we get there. 

I am not exempt from this life lesson. None of us are.

Had she shown up and aced the interview—this behavior would have likely (eventually) been unleashed on either a patient, family member or colleague. 

And that’s the devastating consequence of a lack of integrity, ethics, personal and professional accountability. 

So while the professionals, colleagues and leadership members in my orbit expressed their frustration with me having this experience and sadness even; that I “bore the brunt” of such an encounter. 

Admittedly, I am sorry too. 

But I am grateful that a more devastatingly consequential and costly  outcome was averted. 

On the other side of this coin is the dynamic of being irresponsible. 

In this scenario: She deliberately did not show up for an opportunity that I curated for her. And I then became the obstacle to her gaining access to the very thing I curated for her—that she exhibited a lack of accountability and responsibility to show up for. 

As for me.

I am good. 

Repeatedly, one colleague and friend said after another: “Does she know who she’s talking to?”

Another colleague said, “She has no idea who you are.” And she repeated it 3xs. And I didn’t ask, but wondered:

“Who am I?” “Who is she talking to?”

I really questioned myself.

But as God would then lay on my heart as I laid on my face this morning in prayer:

“You are mine. You are my vessel. “No weapon against you will prosper. I formed plans for you. I prosper you and give you a future. I chose you before your mother conceived you.” 

I am then reminded that: I have written at least 5 books with a strong focus on uplifting women birthed out of the experiences of myself and other “Black women.” I have stood with, presented to, hosted, honored, respected and admired “Black women” throughout the trajectory of my entire life. 

I am the proud mother of 3 beautiful, industrious, productive, formally educated, intelligent and talented Black children—two of whom are “Black women.” I am the “mom-mom” to a grandson that I love beyond anything words can express.

I am an educated—degreed Psychology professional.

I was the founder of a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting all women but definitely “Black women” who were experiencing housing insecurity. 

I have a track record of hiring—employing mostly “Black women.” 

Most importantly, I came here into this sphere of life—through the womb of a “Black woman” that I have made it my life’s mission to honor. 

In fact, she—a “Black woman” is who I  was working with towards her NEED for employment. An interview that she intentionally did not show up for. 

Thank God for that. 

So to answer my own question: I am who God says I am. Who He purposed me to be.

A child of God.

And so are you!

… and yes, I prayed for her too.

Lastly, as only God could do—before I unplugged for the day—the last call I made was to offer a “Black woman” a job. 

She was grateful to the point of tears. She was grateful to the point of shouting out, “Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus!”

And then she paused, took a deep breath said, “And thank you too for what you do!

Thank you for giving me a chance.”

That’s it. 

That’s all. 

That’s my “who” and my “do.”

And no one’s visceral, vile verbal insults can diminish that. 

Be well. 

Be blessed.

Be good to people.

Be accountable. 

Be responsible. 

Show up for your life because your life depends on you.

#Cshaw 

#BeWhoYouSayYouAre 

#TheHeartIsARealPlace 

#ABETTERYOUISABETTERME🌹

Copyright ©️ by Christie Y. Shaw

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